Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes. (lie detector blows up)
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Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.
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Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
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Homer (sung to the Flintstones song): Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the, Town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree! hits tree
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Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible
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Bart: Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.
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Homer: Hey boy! Wanna play catch?
Bart: No thanks dad.
Homer: When a son doesn't want to play catch with his father something is definitely wrong.
Grandpa Simpson: I'll play catch with you!
Homer: Go home
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Homer: Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
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Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. A He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star
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Mr. Burns: I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant.
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Chief Wiggum: Well let me ask you this: shut up.
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Homer: From now on, there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Bart: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!
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Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
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Homer: What's a wedding? A Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden.
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Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning
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Homer: [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
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Lisa: Dad, don't you think you're overreacting?
Homer: Don't you think you're under reacting?
Lisa: This conversation is over.
Homer: This conversation is under.
Lisa: Goodbye.
Homer: bad bye
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Bart: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know.
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Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman
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Homer: [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay] Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You are gay.'
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Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered?
Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.
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Homer: Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
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Homer: Okay Marge, its your child against my child. The winner will be showered with praise. The loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore.
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Homer: If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement.
